August's Emotional Rollercoaster

Friday afternoon I received a call from our case worker. Surprise! She was forwarding a little boy's picture and medicals for us to consider. I was shocked to say the least because she had told me when we were at that "#1" spot she would let me know. Unfortunately, Doug and I have declined this little guy. Without going into details, he had some things in the medicals that made both of us very uncomfortable. When I was visiting with our case worker on Friday, I felt in my spirit that this wasn't our little boy. I prayed all afternoon without opening the email asking God to change my heart if this was just "cold feet!" When Doug finally got home that evening, we sent the girls into another room, prayed, and opened the email. He was such a cute little boy, but I knew as soon as I looked at his picture that this wasn't our son. We scanned through the translated medicals, and being the medical experts that we are, tried to make out some of the words using Doug's knowledge of the medical field from his Medical Terminology class from college 20 years ago. That wasn't happening! :) So coupled with the information that I could decipher (weight, head circumference, etc.) along with what our case worker had told us about this little boy, we knew couldn't accept him. So much so we didn't even consider forwarding anything to an IA doctor. When we finished the email reports, Doug looked at me and asked, "So what do you think?" I took a deep breath and told him I didn't think he was the one for us. With relief all over his face, he said, "That's what I was thinking too." I felt peace in that decision, but it was glazed with guilt as well.

I talked to our case worker this morning, and let her know that we weren't going to pursue this little boy. That was such a hard decision, even though I know it was the right one. There isn't a worst feeling in the world knowing that you have the power to change this little boy's life but realizing not only your limitations but knowing your decision affects the livelihood of two little girls already living at your house, and having to say "no." It highlighted the necessity of praying and seeking God throughout this entire process and being willing to quicken yourself to His small, still voice in our lives.

So, where do we go from here? Our case worker said we were still #4, maybe #3 on the list, and we'd just wait as we had been. The good news is I've crossed enough off my "Russia To-Do" list that I wouldn't have totally freaked out if this had been our boy--still have to work to do though--don't get me wrong!

Please pray that a waiting family will be found soon for this little boy--that he will be a perfect fit for their family, and he will soon be smothered in more love and affection than he knows what to do with. Please continue to pray for the little boy in Russia who God has destined to be a part of our family, the orphanage workers, our agency, and that Americans will continue to have favor with Russia.