Whew! That's Over!

Home study--Done! Jenna came today, and I just have to say to anyone who may be in the process of working on your home study: Don't worry about cleaning your baseboards! There was no black light or briefcase of vials to take samples of anything that looked like it might sprout spores. Go ahead and clean the ceiling fans though--more on principle than anything else. I certainly need an excuse to do that and a social worker coming to your house qualifies for me. I ended up cleaning my Jeep out yesterday afternoon. I was afraid Jenna, after witnessing my pristine home, would peer into the window of my car and see the 16 pairs of kids' socks, dried out french fries, markers with the caps missing, and other paraphernalia covering my floorboards, and think to herself, "FRAUD!" (The last time I cleaned my floorboards Annsley said, "Mom! You have carpet in your car!") It was in vain I tell you. She didn't even ask about the state of my vehicle let alone peer into the window. I haven't the slightest why in the world I thought the cleanliness of my home would override my answers to questions like, "How would you describe your marriage? What discipline measures do you use? Why do you want to adopt?"

Unfortunately, Asa came out from underneath the bed, but I don't think she put the physical state of our 16 year old cat in her report. I'd post a picture of him for those of you who haven't gotten to see him lately, but I'm afraid PETA might come looking for me. We had to shave him a few months ago--Doug was the barber and just giddy with excitement and rather than do a full body shave, we elected to just shave off the matted hair balls. A quick glance and you think he has the mange, and coupled with the fact that he is much too skinny because he has gotten very picky in his old age, he looks more like some nappy eel in a Chihuahua's body.

Thank you all who were praying for us. This home study was a big deal as it goes on to the USCIS office as well as Russia. We should get Jenna's rough draft in a couple of weeks. It will be interesting to see how she writes it up so that Russia will receive it well. Our adoption agency will look over it, tweak it, and then we'll get the final copy. We should have all that finished within 4 weeks.

Tomorrow I start on the papers needed for our mini dossiers.

Probabliity of you being an ax murderer inquisition

I took a break last night from cleaning the dust off the top of the electrical outlet plates to finish our adoption training. Our home study agency requires 10 hours of education. I'm not sure that is enough. You just really think about the medical side of the adoption, but there are attachment issues, grief, loss, dealing with others' negative opinions about adoptions, etc. Did I feel this inadequate before I had Annsley? Adoption is a whole new ball of wax--more like those Bendaroos or Wiki Stix that have recently inhabited my house. The training was online and so dry but full of information which neither of us had thought about. At the end of each course, we had to take a test. When we got started on the first one, Doug noticing a little clock ticking, said, "Oh shoot! They're timing us!" That was probably a knee jerk reaction to all his years of defensive driving tests over the internet. Never fear, we scored 100 on all of our tests. Does that mean I'm going to be ready to parent an adopted child? I know I can change the diaper although I'll have to learn about those teepee things, and I can take care of diaper rash, but it's going to have to be by the grace of God to help us nurture this little being into the boy that God designed him to be!

Doug and I each have to write an autobiography for our homestudy. Mine ended up being 4 1/2 pages, single space 10 font. I had given Doug the outline about two weeks ago and reminded him to be working on it whenever he had a free moment at work. As of last night, he couldn't remember me giving him the outline. He calls me from school a few minutes ago and tells me he's already written one page and has answered only 4 of the 25-30 questions. He wants to know if it gets faster. I reminded him he hasn't even gotten to the questions about his turbulent adolescent years yet! We're not suppose to read each others until after the home visit, so I'm not, but I'm dying to know if or how he's spun those high school and college years to make him the wonderful man he is today!

Our home visit is scheduled for 12:30PM Sunday. Please be in prayer with us that goes smoothly! Doug called a friend of ours who adopted a boy from Russia a couple of years ago and asked what was going to happen with this home visit. Philip told him, "Hey, they're just going to be checking to see that you're not an ax murderer or something!" If that is all it is, then I think we're going to be OK!

To santize or not to sanitize?

Our home visit is this Sunday. I know I've read that our social worker is here to help us bring our baby home, and although Jenna, our social worker, has told me not to be nervous, there's nothing like your house, you, and your children being under the microscope. I've always thought we were OK, lived in a clean, safe home, had a great marriage, but I guess this is where the rubber meets the road! I've cleaned the ceiling fans, windows, and baseboards so far. You must understand that I leave these three items only for visiting dignitaries, heads of state, and other notables, so to accomplish that feat without the fanfare is, well....a feat! How often do you clean the tops of your baseboards? The area where dirt, fuzz, and splashed Coke seem to find a permanent resting spot? I was debating the whole ceiling fan thing, and then I had a vision of a pile of our dirt flying loose off the ceiling fan and landing on Jenna's papers as she writes. The thought did cross my mind to just not turn on the ceiling fans, but then you would be able to actually see the lint and cobwebs hanging from the fan blades. If they're rotating at a high speed, optically they look clean. Right now I am seriously disappointed that I did not purchase that portable steam sanitizer. I could be strapping that thing on and killing all the micro-organisims growing on my toilets. I know that I know that Jenna is not going to take a some kind of black light and peer into the bowl of my toilet, or will she? I used to be an infomercial junkie, and I really just enjoyed watching those things more than anything, but after a few late night purchases, I realized that they were made of cheap plastic and were grossly overrated. However, I do remember thinking when I watched that lady clean her sink, toilet, and shower door with the portable Steam Saver Whatever that could certainly come in handy! Little did I know...

Moscow, here we come!

Well, not right now, but our passports arrived today! I have to take back every nasty thing I've ever said about the government's inability to do much in a speedy and streamline fashion. Maybe the streamline comment still stands, but they did process our passports in two weeks, and that was without us expediting them! The government website quoted a 4-6 week turn around. A big thank you and kudos to them! That was one of the things we had to have in order to submit our mini dossier to Russia.
The whole adoption thing has become very real over the last two weeks as we are dropping money like crazy--a couple of thousands to our agency, passport fees, $870 for USICS I-600A app and biometric fingerprints, and this weekend our homestudy fee will be due. After this first rush we should have a break to catch a breather...at least on the money thing. The paper chase is just beginning though!

No, I want a dog!

Our girls have been interesting to watch their reactions as Doug and I have begun to share with them that a little brother will be joining them. We started early in the process because those of you who know Annsley will know that she needs ALOT of time to adjust to any changes going on in her life. When we first asked her what she thought about getting a baby brother, she emphatically crossed her arms, made a face, and said, "I don't want a baby brother. I don't like boys. I'm only a big sister to sisters!" Of course, Kennedi, Miss Copycat, crossed her arms and announced, "No buthers! Only issers!" A few weeks later Kennedi had really been getting on Annsley's nerves, and Annsley said to me, "Mom, how about if we give Kennedi to Victor [our neighbor], and then I can have a baby brother?" Now she's in the trade mode. I'm still not 100% convinced that I've made her realize that she really would miss Kennedi if she were not here. I appealed to Annsley's "mother hen" side and noted that this little brother was going to need her to teach him all kinds of things. I thought I had finally won both of them over with that and then the dog came into the picture. One night when Doug was getting the girls pajamas on, he asked them if they were excited about their baby brother coming to live with them. Once again, we got the crossed arms, pouty face, and this: "I don't want a baby brother! I want a dog!" Kennedi copied saying, "No buther. Doggg!!" When I was putting together our announcement bottles for our parents, Annsley asked me what I was doing. I told her that we were letting all the grandparents know that we were going to have a baby boy in our house. After thinking for a moment, she wrinkled up her face and asked, "Whose tummy is this boy going to be in? Yours?" I told her that he would be in another momma's tummy, but she would not be able to take care of him. He wouldn't have a mommy or daddy to take care of him. I asked her if she thought it would be a good idea if we brought him to live with us so he could have a mommy and daddy. Annsley said, "I think that would be a very good idea! I will have to teach him lots of things because I'm the big sister!" So right now that's where we are. It's a good place I think, but will it hold? Right now Kennedi wants to name her brother Reece or Rhubarb. Our social worker has to interview anyone 3 years or older for our home visit. That is going to be an interview for the ages I afraid!

Why Russia?

Going to Russia will fulfill a life long dream for me. As a teenager, I was always fascinated by the country, wanted to travel there, and had thought I would learn to speak Russian eventually. Why the tie? I have no idea other than my great grandmother, who I never met, was from there. Maybe it was the whole "Iron Curtain" thing and the mysteries surrounding what life was really like there. As for Doug, he's still dealing with the fact that the Cold War is over. So why in the world would we choose Russia for our adoption?

Doug's first choice was to adopt domestically. After looking into it, we realized that because of our age and the fact that we already had two children, we'd be "at the bottom of the barrel" so to speak--at least for an infant. With international adoption, there are literally millions of children available for adoption, and most countries don't have restrictions on parents' age or number of children already in the home. Most importantly however, international is where God was leading me. That is where my heart is drawn right now, and that pretty much trumps any argument for anything else!

Russia ended up being our country of choice by simple elimination of all the others. For example, we were too old for Poland and Korea (and I seriously doubt that either of us could pass the BMI requirements right now although that is about to change!). Neither of us were drawn to Rwanda, Colombia, or Ethiopia although the Ethiopian babies are beautiful!! Some countries were either currently closed or unstable: Guatemala, Vietnam, Kyrgyzstan, Georgia. We want a boy, so coupled with the 3-4 year wait time just for a girl, that basically eliminated China. We looked at Armenia, but it is a small country with a small program, and the wait time for a boy was 2-3 years. That led us the Eastern Europe where there are more boys ready for adoption than girls (the exact opposite of China). A lot of Eastern European countries such as Lithuania, Latvia, Bulgaria, and Ukraine had generally older children than what we feel would be the best fit for our family right now. That left us with Russia and Kazakhstan. Kaz was eliminated because of the really long in country stay and the fact that the government will not allow for gender choice any more.

I think the only major concern for me is being away from our girls while in a foreign country. It pretty much freaks Doug out, so I think he doesn't think about it if he doesn't have to. God is leading this adoption, and we know He has already provided the laborers who will take care of our girls. We both know that God will supply all our needs, and our girls will be in great hands as we travel.

Sharing our big news!

We've told our parents our big news. I wanted to wait until we found an agency and had started the process before we let anyone know our plans--kinda like, "there's no turning back now" sort of thing regardless of their reactions. I wanted to make this announcement as special as we made it when we announced our biological girls. When I was pregnant with each of them, I mailed stuffed animal storks with a future birth announcement, Grandma picture books with a message, or a message in a bottle. This time I mailed them all a "message in a bottle" with a birth announcement and a letter explaining our decision. My mother-in-law remarked that we have her well trained to quickly open a box we mail her. She said she was surprised that she made it to the car without opening it this time! We have wonderful parents. They all have squashed any apprehension that I had about them not being very excited about this new turn in our lives. We either got crying (for joy--at least I think), squealing, or "I figured you guys might do something like this!" I had read so much about other people's experiences of lackluster reactions that I think I had prepared myself for a less than enthusiastic response. For us at least, all our friends and family that we have thus told have all been very supportive and excited. We are so thankful and blessed to have such awesome people surrounding us! We know that we will be leaning on them throughout this process.

Why adoption? God began to work on my heart while we were trying to get pregnant with our first child. I had never had a insatiable desire to have children even though Doug did. After being married for 14 years, I guess we finally decided there was no time like the present, especially since "time" was literally ticking away for me! I had to spend a year and a half mentally preparing myself for this baby thing. I watched Father of the Bride Part II, Nine 1/2 Months, A Smile Like Yours, A Baby Story. You name it--if it was about a baby, I was soaking it in. There was an episode on A Baby Story where the parents adopted a child from Kyrgyzstan, I believe. That episode has stayed with me, and throughout the years, God has been gently tugging me in that direction. Doug has always seen a little boy when he has pictured our family picture. He has brought this fact up to me quite a few times over the years, and my unknowingly prophetic response to him has always been, "I hope that boy is Chinese because that's the only way that's going to happen!" Doug has always wanted lots of kids--enough for a football team--but when you start as late in life as we did, there isn't enough time for even a 6-man team. Did I mention we are 41 and 44? I told him I wasn't going to discuss anything with him until our youngest was 3. She turned 3 this summer. I think our conversation basically went like this:

Doug: "When are we going to have another baby?"
Me: "There's not one coming from my body!"
Silence.
Me: "I think we're suppose to adopt."
Doug: "I have known for years we're suppose to adopt."
Me, about to throw the wrench in the cog wheel: "I think we're suppose to adopt from Kazakhstan."
Doug: "Huh? Silence.-- Long Silence--... Where's that?" (I know he's thinking that it doesn't sound very American.)

So there it is...our high tech adoption conversation for all the world wide web to see. Our stunning play with the English language should make even the most gifted laureate aspire to higher linguistic standards!

With all my difficulties in both my pregnancies, I have not been interested at all in carrying another pregnancy, and with Doug's desire for a "quiver full" of children, adoption seems to be the answer for us. "Defend the poor and fatherless; do justice to the affected and needy. Deliver the poor and needy; free them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 82:3-4. I know that some are called to help financially, others by prayer or labor. We, however, feel called to adopt. We know that God never gives a vision without providing a way; this is really His journey--we're just trying our best to be obedient servants.